


this is the wrong draft please don't post this

by sensitive_pigeon



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, dont ask me about this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sensitive_pigeon/pseuds/sensitive_pigeon
Summary: Waverly Earp and Nicole Haught have some sex.
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 33
Kudos: 85





	this is the wrong draft please don't post this

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to
> 
> grey  
> ittybittyhaught  
> robin  
> sexy pink frog  
> schwiftynouf  
> ebba
> 
> thanks to the Wynnonna Earp discord for the great ideas and help! I couldn't have done it without you guys!
> 
> Enjoy the fic!
> 
> please annihilate me in one shot
> 
> @sensitivepigeon

got stars in my eyes (and they don’t fade)

RIVAL Professor AU

THE WORST DRAFT IN THE WEST

Waverly arrived like the storm. 

The door to the teacher’s lounge slammed open with the force of an Earp, thrown open hard enough to send paper scattering.

“Jeremy!” Waverly roared, stomping inside. _“Someone else got the grant.”_

Jeremy went pale, stuttering as he rose to meet Waverly’s fury. “Uh, Wave! Hi --” He gestured to a redhead sitting in the corner sipping coffee. “This is --”

“Shitfucker!” Waverly said, something the author will definitely change later. “Someone stole my research grant like -- like some [ _snake._ ] [Particularly intense insult!]”

“Wave --” 

But no one could stop an Earp in a rage.

“[Continued ranting!]” Waverly gestured wildly, nearly flailing, face red. “I swear I’ll, I’ll just --”

“Just what?”

Waverly turned, finger dangerously swinging with her to point at --

_Wait a minute._

_Who the hell was the beautiful redhead in the corner, glasses perched on her nose, brows furrowed adorably as she settled a coffee cup gently on the table? And what business did she have looking so good in her simple outfit of a button up and tank top and holy shit those_ eyes _and that_ smile _and --_

But those brown eyes had a challenge in them. Waverly straightened. “Who are you?”

“The [shit-ticket],” the redhead said, standing. “Who got the grant instead of you.”

“Wh.” Waverly blue screened. _“What?”_

Said [‘shit-ticket]’ leaned on the table with one hand, the other cocked on her hip. Her eyebrow rose dangerously, her gaze assessing her, before a cold smile bloomed on her face.

“Yeah,” she said, head bobbing. “When will Pigeon write us having sex yet?”

“I have no idea,” Waverly breathed.

Nicole shut the door and left dead silence behind her. Waverly slowly, slowly turned to Jeremy, face beet red. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she hissed.

“I tried,” Jeremy said, shrugging. “You seemed pretty into it.”

  
  


_Whatever._

Snarky, sexy astronomy professor that she would never, ever have to see again. Right? Never have to bear the endless embarrassment of insulting her to her face without knowing.

Except Waverly saw her the next day.

Boxes addressed HAUGHT arrived at Waverly’s office and woane,m, women pretty women pretty women pretty, .

“Dolls!” she called, desperate. “Can you deliver this to whoever _Haught_ is?”

**_JOLENE, JO LENE_ **

“I’ll take those, actually,” said a soft, familiar voice behind her. Waverly spun to come face-to-face with ‘Shitticket.’

“You know ‘Haught’?” Waverly asked dubiously.

“I am Haught, thanks.” Nicole stepped around her and took the boxes, heaving them into her arms so easily -- and the _flex_ of her bicep -- that Waverly couldn’t help but stare. WOMEN HOT

**_WOMEN HAUGHT._ **

  
  
  
  


“I’m done with this,” Waverly declared, stepping away from Nicole. She went to the door and jiggled the handle. Again. Locked.

The door was locked.

She was stuck in a lab alone.

No -- Not alone.

With _Nicole Haught._

  
  
  
  
  
  


Waverly crashed into Nicole like a wave, pushing her into the lab table. Fuck the faucet. They be kissin. The sweet slide of their SEXY MOUTHS got REAL HOT. 

“Damn this is hot,” Nicole said. She stripped her clothes off in a single motion and flung them on the floor with finality. “Let’s have sex.”

Waverly exploded. But also, she took off her clothes.

Nicole somehow survived the explosion, but did not survive the maximum sixty-mile-an-hour collision with Waverly Earp. Their limbs connected and they began to do the sex.

Horizontally.

There were pigs everywhere.

Faucet!

Frogs now! There are frogs everywhere! Coming from the Faucet!

JOLENE

_RAINBOW CONNECTION_

Waverly really wanted this. She was totally soaked! Wow! She spread her legs and Nicole slapped that baby right in! Damn! Two whole-ass fingers. _Right on in there._

Baby comes out!

Waverly surprised. Wow! A baby!

Baby stopped existing.

They continued the sex. Wow! Nicole kissed Waverly a lot. So much that Waverly’s mouth came off and devoured Nicole’s. Wow! No mouths anymore. Just legs. Legs for days.

Legs for months.

Legs for years.

Legs for eternity.

That’s a lot of legs! Frog legs. 

Nicole was on top of Waverly. “This is hot!” she cried out as she came. “This is really, really hot!”

“YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY,

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**HAUGHT,,,**

  
  
  
  


!!!” Waverly replied. She was very turned on. She was preheating the oven. DING! The bread was ready. It came out of her non-existent mouth and was plated for Nicole.

Nicole ate that up and Waverly was so wet. So wet they were on a slip-and-slide. Waterpark level, swimmin’ pool. This is real chemistry.

Whoa! Astronauts! Holy shit an asteroid slammed into the building. They survive the blast. Aliens arrive. Aliens leave after witnessing them have sex. It was too Haught. They did not survive.

**W O**

  
  


**WO W**

Nicole keept on havin’ the sex with the Waverly. They sure did **FUCK!**

WAVERLY CAME REALLY HARD.

  
  


With stars in her eyes.

  
  


“Wow,” Nicole said. “You’re a phenomenon, Waverly Earp.”

“What do you even mean?”  
  


“I mean that stars and galaxies are more commonplace than you are. You are made of starstuff!

  
  
  


I fucked a star!”

Nicole exclaimed. 

Waverly kept on comin’.

Nicole slapped in a few more fingers. Many fingers. Wow! They all curled and Waverly levitated into a new astral plane. The Astral Plane of the Gods. All of a sudden she was Persephone and Nicole was hades.

Damn, that was really hot. Nicole was the God of Death but also having sex with her!

Then that AU stopped and we returned to this AU where they are having sex in a locked laboratory room due to the convenience of this author, and this author alone, people aren’t watching me write this.

I want to perish.

_ **ZEUS WAS REAL MAD! SUPER MAD!** _

Wait no it was Demeter.

Demeter was mad. Zeus was like “okay bro have who you want it’s okay to be a hot woman who has sex with other women,” he said, and promptly died because he is an asshole.

**_PLEASE DONT READ THIS DOMINIQUE_ **

Kat can okay? Legal.

Emily Andras cannot put me down!! THE GODS CANNOT STOP ME

  
  


Nicole haught was still havin’ sex with Waverly Earp!

And having a good time. 

They were both so horizontal that math professors still relate to their angle as “perfection incarnate.” They were both a flat plane with no Y axis. They slipped together, owning the space as two objects in one, and Waverly came real good and hard from that.

They existed as separate beings again. It was disappointing for Waverly. She wanted Nicole to be inside her forever. Like as a frog, maybe. No, not as a frog. More fingers! Must have more fingers.

Nicole had all twelve fingers inside her! Wow! 

They doubled in number and Waverly came again, real hard! Nice! Waverly arrived at the ORGASM STATION like a stolen train full of hot women also having sex with each other. In an orgy. Except it was just the two of them, alone in that lab.

Space and time no longer existed. They had sex beyond the heat death of the universe. They existed as the sole haven for living creatures and beings, and they became the Gods of the newborn universe that came from their coupling.

As gods of this new Universe, They did nothing but have sex. Planets existed. Galaxies happened.

  
  


And Nicole Haught and Waverly EArp had sex.

The end.

  
  
  


Waverly Earp knew that in Nicole Haught’s eyes, no one would compare to the stars. 

  
  
  


**_I am writing a sex scene live._ **

**Author's Note:**

> end my suffering


End file.
